I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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