If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
