i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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