she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
