we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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