i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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