it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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