Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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