"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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