i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize