Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
