Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
