You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
