sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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