Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
