she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
