I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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