Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize