Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
