How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
