I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
