wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
