I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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