she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
