I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
