This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
