CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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