3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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