I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
