he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
