My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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