I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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