Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
