I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize