we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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