How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
