matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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