UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
