Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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