while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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