Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i now understand why vodka
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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