Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
