Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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