I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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