dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
