i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
