I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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