I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
