but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
