..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
