Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Never joke about your clitoris.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
