I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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