please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
