OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
