sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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