I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
