Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How naked do you want me to be?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
