he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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