Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
