Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
