Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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