you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
