my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
