Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
