I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Two words: nipple clamps
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