me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
